The Beer Barron – Britain’s Beer Beauty Contest


The business of beauty is getting bigger in the UK. The Beer Barron Awards are gracing our shores for 3rd consecutive year. Much like its musical counterpart and bigger brother, Eurovision, the winner of the contest take on the hosting duty’s and the reins for the event.

“The UK stronghold isn’t letting up, we just keep winning.” Mark Harp of Clap Trap Hats explains. Mark has taken on the castodian dutys of the event. Clearing out his 2,000 square meter unit of bonnets and berets to allow the  buxom of beauts to strut there stuff down the makeshift runway. “We welcome the return of the event but if we keep winning we will go bust, no pun intended.” – “What pun Mark?, what PUN” our reporter added.

The event starts the first weekend of September and this years entry is getting into shape for the occasion. This years the UK are putting all there hope and dreams into Toni Fasthill. Toni goes by the stage name Dave, has been molding his body for weeks, even years of abuse have went into his frame.

I maintain my award winning physic by monitoring my daily intact and eating the right things. On training days i can eat up to a pubs strip of pork scratchings before noon, Tevor will always have a stout settling before i darken his doorway of the Market Arms everyday of the week.”

Dave adds about his ambitious nature.

“I once had a slimline tonic, Life is too short not achieve your goals and its getting shorter by the day.” 

“It appears that the UK will keep winning this event because of our lager lout lifestyles, and may it continue, no pun intended” Mark Harp annotes, “Get the beers in son, oye oye oye”

Our reporter decided to end this interview here, it would appear the increased lager fueled aggression of Mark and his lack of understanding what a pun is made it difficult to continue.

Clap Trap Hats est 1999 “Go on ahead, buy a Hat”

The Beer Barron Contest can be caught on Casino TV Live at 5am, the first weekend of September. 

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